Raindrops
by Chizune
Summary: Why am I always too late? Meiling was always Syaoran's best friend. She was also Sakura's friend. But with both friendships on the line, love wasn't an option. Looking back, Meiling spins a tale of jealousy, envy and regret.


Raindrops

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

A/N: Just experimenting with writing in fragments. Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. This used to be in chapters, but I figured the fragments were too short to leave a single chapter for each one, so they're all packed together here. Please enjoy!

~Prologue~

_Why am I always too late?_

Dear reader,

In this book I write all the words that I cannot say. I record my thoughts here, as needed in order to live a halcyon life. I don't value drama much in real life anymore, so it's better to keep it all locked up in here. In this way, at least some of us will be able to continue living in blissful ignorance.

When I'm gone, this book will be burned and the ashes will find their way to _her_. I would leave the manuscript with Syaoran but that's not possible anymore. The last thing I want is for Syaoran's mother to be reading this. On the other hand, _she_ is still alive and well. I don't have anything cute or pretty to give _her_, but this should suffice. You probably find it bizarre that one would put cinders in a will. Someday _she_ will understand.

~The First Drop: Regret~

_I can't let her beat me. I have to be better than her. Why must I feel this way?_ Ah the stupid things we did for attention. I thought they were just childish whims. But now that I look back, I can see the sliver of wisdom in a child's words. If only I were strong enough to eclipse her then, Syaoran wouldn't have…

~The Second Drop: Weakness~

_Syaoran won't look at me anymore. I don't have magical powers._ In reality I had two failings. The first was my dearth of magical powers.

The second was my love for Syaoran. I guess it could only be called a crush because at ten years, you really don't know what love is…unless you're Romeo or Juliet of course.

~The Third Drop: Friendship~

Syaoran and I were friends from a tender age. We grew up together and were inseparable as children. I still remember the time when Syaoran went to pick the fig from the fruit tree. Our parents weren't too worried about us climbing up because we were short and we couldn't reach the tree to save our lives. "It's pretty isn't it?" I asked Syaoran. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes changed. It went from serious attentive to excited-determined. But then, one of Syaoran's sisters called out and reminded us not to climb the fruit tree. Syaoran paused for a moment, then calmly sat at the base of the leafy verdant tree. We stared at the clouds for a while before falling asleep. When I woke up, Syaoran already had a small ladder set up at the base of the fig tree. With three steps up the ladder, I stopped Syaoran and told him that I would go up. He'd already done half the work; I could do the other half. So he jumped off and held the side of the ladder to steady it for my climb. I almost ran up the ladder with eagerness. It seemed like a staircase to heaven really. At the top, I felt the fruit within my reach. I was a bit shorter than Syaoran though, so I had to stand on the tips of my toes to reach it. When I grasped it, a gust of wind blew and I lost my balance. I felt silly for tumbling down then but even worse for landing on Syaoran, who broke my fall and saved the fig that flew from my hands. Even so, I was really thankful for him being there for me. After that escapade we were grounded by our parents and told to stay in our rooms for a long time. But since our houses were right next to each other's, it was easy for us to get around the walls. Syaoron opened his window and passed me the fig that we`d picked so carefully from the fruit tree. Feeling a warm tingling sentiment in my chest, I split the fig in half and held it out the window. Syaoran accepted it and we ate in glee.

I always viewed Sakura as a rival. After that incident, we grew closer together and eventually we became good friends. When I left for Hong Kong, she was there to see me off. I was touched. Sakura saw me as a friend. If she didn't she wouldn't have gone out of her way to say goodbye.

What went wrong? Why couldn't we stay that way? The three of us, happy, together… Things changed after school. They got married some time after university. There was a lovely wedding for a beautiful couple. Tomoyo was the Maid of Honor. Chiharu, Naoko, Rika and I were bridesmaids. Tomoyo and Sakura had been best friends since the beginning of time and I didn't like making big speeches in front of a big crowd so I didn't mind Sakura choosing Tomoyo as Maid of Honor. What really bothered me was that Syaoran picked Sakura over me. The wedding was a real slap in the face. The sound of those bells ringing as they left the hall hand in hand was like a harbinger of doom. And yet, I had managed to sit through the whole procession. Even when the priest said, "Speak now or forever hold your peace," I couldn't make a sound. Even now, those words sound, in my head, with an ominous toll that never relents.

If I knew that I could have saved him by taking a stand at that moment, I would have done it without question, even if he hated me for all eternity.

~The Fourth Drop: Responsibility~

_They will be happy, Meiling. They will be happy. _It was almost as if the wicked witches had come knocking on my door to prophesize ill fate in the pretext of good fortune. Shortly after their honeymoon in Hawaii, Syaoron and Sakura moved to America. They wanted to start a new life together. Syaoran found a job there as CEO of a pharmaceutical company, while Sakura pursued studies as a medical doctor.

I never felt lonely though. Even if I didn't have Syaoran's smile, I could still hear his laughter over the telephone, and hear him speaking to me through his long detailed letters.

I tried so hard to tell myself that that was what Syaoran wanted. He loved her, and she was willing to be with him. I tried so hard to convince myself, to say anything to fool myself. I was being a good friend, his best friend. I was putting Syaoran first, even if it meant no return for me. Dear reader, you must be wondering... Why did I suffer so? Love does strange things to you. I realized that far too late in my life.

~The Last Drop: Blame~

They say that the remedy to all hurts is time. With time, everything fades until nothing is left. Not even the memories that make us laugh at our mistakes and cry at our regrets...not even those cruel yet beautiful memories. I realize now that if I ever managed to forgive her, I would never have forgotten her role in the accident. I would never have resented her being alive. I would never have felt sickened to see the light return to her lucid green eyes. But she murdered him...my poor Syaoran.

It was supposed to be a happy anniversary. A grand party with family and friends, both old and new, acquired over time. It was the celebration of lasting love. But something went wrong.

As the night progressed, Sakura and Syaoran enjoyed themselves no doubt. With exquisite food and drink, everyone indulged themselves at the party. Syaoran had a little too much to drink, but no one seemed too worried about it. They had rented the place for the night; there was no rush to leave.

When the party finally came to an end, everyone headed home. They congratulated the happy couple, said their goodbyes, not knowing it would be the last time, and went their separate ways. Sakura and Syaoran had planned to stay the night, but something came up; something we would never know for sure, but it was urgent enough to put them onto the road, even after five glasses of champagne. Sakura was much more sober than Syaoran and decided to drive them home. That decision should never have been made, regardless of the circumstances.

Countless nights, I dreamt of _her_. I saw myself holding her neck in my hands, digging my nails into her flesh. Red wine poured out of her neck and her brilliant emerald green eyes were unfocused, dull as the cheap green candlewax from Christmas that melted on the porch. After Syaoran died, I didn`t want anything more to do with her. And yet, I couldn`t shake the thought of her from my mind. I couldn't forgive her for what she'd done.

The alarm I felt for being called at three in the morning... Because Sakura was in the hospital and there were no other relatives in America, they asked me to identify his body. There under the white sheet was Syaoran's beautiful body, bare and broken from the wreckage of the accident. The car flipped three times and Syaoran was thrown out of the vehicle. If he had a seatbelt on, like she had, he might have survived that horrible accident.

Months later, after recovery, she apologized to me, with tears rolling down her cheeks. The emotions were unbearable. She told me how much it hurt, how bad it felt inside. She cried about how she wished it didn't happen. How she wished she could have him back by her side again. She was sorry...but we both knew that she was the reason. The reason why he wouldn't laugh anymore. The reason why he wouldn't walk again. The reason why he wouldn't open his eyes. Nevermore... Here was another fully heartfelt, utterly worthless apology that couldn't make things better. I was told that if you are truly sorry, you will change your behaviour. But what is there to change when your best friend and true love is dead?

~Epilogue~

It's been ten years since he left. She said she would never love again, after everything that happened. Where is she now, I wonder? It doesn't matter. The world goes on turning, the sun and the moon forever in their timely turn-over. If I wished upon a star, would Syaoran come back to me? If we were born again, in some other life, could our starcrossed paths possibly join us together? Screw the stars. Even if every star fell out of the sky, and the universe crumbled to pieces, if Syaoran and I could meet...just the two of us, like the sun and the moon, eternally afloat in the interstellar space... If we...


End file.
